Past stays past
by Lilly-EL
Summary: Cuddy's past comes back and there's just one person who can help her. HUDDY


She went slowly along the hospital hall and looked around. Here she felt like home. Lisa loved the hospital and her job. She never thought that at one time she would be a doctor or the Dean of medicine. Often in her past she thought she would die young, but she had managed it all. Now she was the Dean of medicine and the people liked and respect her. She was very proud of herself. The most people with her past managed this like she did.

_**Flashback:**_

She was only fourteen when she began with all. She knew how that shit could happen. The wrong friends, her mother who seemed that she hated her daughter, her father who was never at home, just at work and her older sister Julia… She hated her because her mother loved Julia but not her. She went shopping with Julia or helped her but Lisa always was the misfit, the girl for all who must do all and whenever Arlene wanted that she must do it.

At one day, she left her home and went to her best friend, Dan. She smiled as she saw him.

"Hey Dan" she said happy, because at this time she thought that 18 year old boy was the only one who could understand her. "Whats up?"

"Hey Lise" he said with a weird voice. "How are you doing? Do you want cigarette?"

He knew that at this time Lisa smoked many cigarettes, just to chagrin her mother. She nodded and began to smoke.

"What's up with you?" she asked worried, because it's seemed that he was mentally absent.

"Nothing" he muttered and throbbed at the place next to him. "Sit down Lisa. Please. Then I will tell you. Maybe you want to do this too."  
He grinned.

"But it's better you don't do it. "You're just a little girl and if you will start with it then you soon will want harder stuff. And I think little girls shouldn't do that."

Now he started to grin like a Cheshire cat. Lisa sat to him and gave him a scowl.

"I'm not a little girl, asshole. I'm fourteen and I can decide by myself what I want to do and what not. So tell me, what did you do?"

"Okay" Dan said. "You're decision, little girl. I've smoked joint and had some ecstasy. So do want some or not? But think before you decide. And think that all our friends do it. So if you want to stay by us, your family you should think twice, Lise."

She nodded and smiled.

"Please give it me. I want it. You're the only family I have and I want to stay by you."

He nodded and gave her some pills.

"That's what I thought, honey" he smiled. "Here for you from daddy."  
He grinned and Lisa grinned too. She swallowed the pills with some of Dan's staled beer and grinned more and more. That was her first trip and it felt very good.

_**Flashback End**_

She hated herself for her own abysmal stupidity, but she was only a child and never had someone. She knew that's not only her fault. Her mother had should be there for her and had should care of her, but she never did. There was just Julia for her. And with her dad it was the same, just with his work. Nothings other existed for him.

She sighted. But this time was over a long time ago and she never wanted to do this again. Well, that was what she thought at the moment.

She went the hall backwards to the ambulance. It was time for clinic duty. She didn't want it now, but she does it, because someone must ever do the crap that other people don't want to do. She went to room one and jerked. Her look wasn't so happy since one minute ago. She looked scared to the person in front of her.

"Dan…"  
That's the only thing she could say. So much time was go away… and now she saw him again.

"Hey little girl" he grinned tired. "I didn't saw you a long time ago. It's seems that you've changed the sides. I'm proud of you."  
He smirked and looked to her.

"But how long you think you can handle it? Without any drugs, without heroin? You're a junkie Lisa and that's what you ever will be. You're nothing better and you will see it."

She shrugged and turned around to go.

"I'm clean and this since 20 years. I will never come back and give me this shit."  
She turned around and left the room with some tears in her eyes. He was right. She was a junkie and she would ever be. Why she should try to hide this? She was sure everybody in the hospital knew it. She sighted again and thought. What could happen if she would have one little shot? She longed a long time to a little shot and missed that feeling she ever had when she was on a trip. And she knew she would forget all things around her. That her last patient was dead now, that House was so cruel to her or the stress she had in her job. And suddenly she knew that she needs it. Dan was right. She was a junkie and she ever will be.

In evening she drove to the middle of the town. She knew where the scene places were. And she knew that she would find Dan in there.

"Wow that was fast" he grinned as he saw her. "I knew it little girl. So what do you want? The first time is free, because I like you Lise. But the next time it will cost. I'm sure you understand and you can pay it."

She nodded and sighted. It was okay for her. She didn't want more than one shot. And if it was free that was just better for her. She smiled.

"You know what I want. Give me heroin."

He nodded and gave her a bit of his stuff. She looked diffident to him.

"And it's good stuff?" she asked.

"You know me, little girl" he grinned. "I just have good stuff. But if you don't trust me you can give it back, when you want."

She grinned.

"That's what you wish" she said happy and turned around to go. "Thank you Dan. But that's just my last shot ever. We will never see us again. Good bye."  
Dan nodded and grinned. He looked after her, as she left him. He was sure that she would come back to him and he was glad about it.


End file.
